Meet Adam Tallamy. Life Purpose Coach. A photo on Carnaby Street, London, UK

Hey 👋 I'm Adam

Like you, I've had some challenges.

As a boy growing up, I didn't feel loved enough by my Dad and somewhere along the line I decided I must not be good enough.

I blame my younger brother 😉 He came along three years after me and as a child I struggled with him getting more attention than me. Ok, ok so I struggled with him getting any attention if I'm honest.

Now as a man and the god-father of a beautiful 2 and a half year old boy I've come to realise the insane amounts of attention he would've needed but the 6 year old me wasn't quite as understanding.

It's taken me 50 years to fully realise how not feeling loved enough and deciding I wasn't good enough, have shaped my whole life.

As I write that I feel sad about it, (I'll work through that shortly) but I honestly wouldn't change it. Unpacking it has been the journey of my lifetime and made me the man I am today.

The effects those two beliefs had on my life (1-3)

Unconsciously, not feeling loved or good enough has been a driving force for most of my life and has played out in the following key ways:

1. Trying to get Dad's attention.
I did this by trying to please him in the language that he used when I was a child which was by getting more success, making more money and buying things. I did this to try and make him proud, to feel better about myself and in a futile attempt to fill the hole that his perceived lack of love had left in me.

2. I did the same to try and impress friends and potential girlfriends.

3. At the same time, because I didn't feel good enough, I wanted to be seen but not too much lest anyone saw that so I hid in drink, drugs and exercise in my teens and twenties.

The effects those two beliefs had on my life (4-6)

4. In my late 20's and 30's I kept myself busy in business. I became a mild workaholic, set up and ran a recruitment consultancy for 14 years and hid in my work.

5. I also spent most of my life running away from intimacy and relationships, exiting if things got too serious and before I could be fully seen as I'd surely get rejected if I was. I also found clever ways to hide in relationships where i could get away with not being fully present or seen.

Frankly, I did everything I could to not be fully seen.

6. Last but not least, and perhaps for someone so craving success the most interesting one of all, I even blocked my own success as a result of all this. I unconsciously created a ceiling. I could allow myself success to a certain point but not too much so that I'd be seen or would have to be on stage or too high profile where I'd be seen as not good enough.

These strategies worked quite well for me for a while. They meant I never had to face that I didn't feel good enough and didn't feel loved enough. I worked so hard to avoid having to face that.

My past life in recruitment

Keeping busy in business (busy-ness - so much truth in that word for me) and especially in building my recruitment business was one of my best ever strategies. It rendered me too busy or tired to socialise much or go away for too long both of which really made me feel uncomfortable.

I did well at times with my recruitment business. We made money, we grew, and I stayed distracted and hidden, but no matter how much success I had it was never really enough and it never truly filled the hole in me or made me feel good enough other than around recruitment.

The flash car, big house looked good on the outside but on the inside they and I were empty.

I should mention that when I first started working in recruitment I hated it. I wasn't any good and I felt worthless. After 18 months I found my feet and started having success at which point I felt good enough at recruitment and it gave me a borrowed self-esteem and confidence which led to me continuing to do it for 17 years in total.

I was good at what I did but it was mostly about pushing through whatever I was facing to get to where I needed to go, working really hard and struggling. The JFDI (Just F***ing Do It Approach). That worked really well for years but ultimately led to me having a breakdown.

The breakthrough

I kept pushing harder and harder until eventually in 2008, after the subprime mortgage induced crash, I had a burn-out / breakdown which kept me off work for almost two years.

What I thought at the time was a heart attack turned out to be pleurisy or water on the lung - the viral version. Try as I might each time I tried to go back to work I spent the next 3 days in bed.

The burn-out turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me as it made me stop. It was only then that my inner journey and spiritual awakening began in earnest.

Learning my trade

On a mission initially to get back to work I tried everything from the mainstream to the downright weird and wonderful.

From counselling, to meditation, to coaching, to NLP, to crystal healing and spiritual healing. I tried everything in a bid to get back to work.

I found that all of the things I tried helped me in some way. I gravitated to a few things that I liked most and that worked the best and started to study and immerse myself in them for my own healing at the start.

I initially started working on myself everyday to work through my own issues and emotions. Then I started to help friends and family to hone my skills all of which was laying the groundwork to become a coach in years to come.

How I got into Life Purpose

As I started to get stronger after the burn-out I started asking poor, unsuspecting friends and family what the point of all this was, what is the meaning of life and why are we all here?

I quickly realised that no-one had any more of a clue than I did. Indeed, the best answer I got was, 'you just need to get back down the gym."

A lot of truth in that statement but all in all it made me more curious than ever about life and what my purpose was so I started to dig and ponder what my own purpose could be.

It came to me a few years later in the middle of a meditation retreat in New York although it could equally have come to me whilst on the loo in London so nothing flash about that.

I've written a lot about my own purpose and how it developed and you can read about that here if of interest.

My search for the secrets of success

I'd been striving to have more success all of my adult life. Whereas previously that looked like self-help books, memoirs of Richard Branson and NLP with Tony Robbins, now it took on an energy of its own and became my primary focus whilst recuperating.

In addition to questions around the meaning of life I started asking myself, why was I even doing what I was doing that had led to me having a breakdown? What else could I have done to have more success?

It became a search to find the secrets of my failure and ultimately to find a formula for success, for getting what you want and finding true life purpose.

In time I found answers. Foundational to that I realised was to face and heal the parts of myself that didn’t feel good enough, that felt unloved, that were scared. In time I started to see and work on the 6 major patterns I listed above.

Ultimately, like all of my clients subsequently I had to lay a foundation I could build upon. I did that by firstly getting to a place where I felt good enough, safe enough and deserving enough.

Life coaching

I actually went back to recruitment for a few years to prove to myself that I could and also to ground myself back into the world of business. After that I put my recruitment business into run off and took the leap into being a full time life coach.

For over a decade now I've been coaching people to help them get what they want. Life purpose has been a big theme as it took on so much significance for me after the breakdown. I realised though that not that many people are interested in life purpose right now. Their desires lie elsewhere at least initially.

Thankfully life purpose comes eventually if you first start to follow those desires, and at the same time do the inner work. So, now I help people get what they want, whatever that is and life purpose and playing a bigger game comes along soon enough and they're always excited and grateful when it does.

Coaching has been a long journey for me. I was broke and in debt for many years whilst doing it which was perfect. It brought up so many feelings of lack of self-worth that were tied into having money, status and security. Without that experience it would've been hard for me to heal to the level I have and get to the place I'm at now so I'm very grateful for it and I'm really grateful to have money again now.

Today

In reality I've spent the last 15 years mainly working on myself, getting stronger and overcoming my core fears especially around being seen. I've gone to the depths of my soul. It's been an amazing journey.

I can finally say that I feel good enough. "I am good enough."

I've also gotten to a point where I love myself including all my imperfections. Sure, stuff comes up for me but I work through it when it does and I have really strong foundations now to build upon.

I like to think that the journey I've been on makes me a better coach and more able to help others who have been through similar.

As I open up and am ready to be seen I am starting to be seen more and am allowing more clients, abundance and success to come to me. The next step is to have a bigger impact on the world but I had to do the work on myself first.

Adam Tallamy - Life Purpose Coach

Based in London, UK and working with clients all over the world from the United States / US and Canada, to South Africa, Australia and New Zealand.

+44 (0)7779-125 828

adam@adamtallamy.com